read this and get offended as I insult your favorite beard company

It's possible that lately you've noticed a lot of people talking about kühn. It's also possible you just happened across this post and have no idea who or what kühn is. Either way, the goal of this is to stereotype all of the other beard companies and then heap praise upon myself. 

I'll start off by saying something offensive.

Every beard company is exactly the same. They make exactly the same products with exactly the same ingredients and they all suck.


Don't believe me?


Let's see how right I am. 


Keep looking at the screen as I ask you this question. 

What is the name of the company that made the beard oil, balm, or butter that you most recently purchased?

Be honest.

Can you remember?

Ok, now do this (you may look away from the screen from here on out). Grab the closest bottle of beard oil or balm or whatever, you'll want to refer to it for this next part.

See how many apply to what's in your hand:

  • It's a 1 oz bottle of watery oil in an amber bottle or a 2 oz silver tin of a greasy balm or butter.
  • The company has a clever use of "beard" somewhere in their name.
  • There's a graphic on the label, either in the lettering of the company or somewhere in the background, with a beard.
  • Check the ingredients, it contains at least two of these oils: sweet almond, coconut, sunflower, castor, grapeseed, avocado, hempseed, or apricot.

Now smell it. 

Let me guess. It's smells like a combination of 2 or more essential oils, and if you're being honest, it doesn't smell much different than the last random product you or your lady bought on Amazon.

How many did I get right?

If you said zero, congratulations. You're holding something from a company who at least attempted to be different from everyone else. 

If you were holding a kühn product in your hand, you would've said no to all of the above. 

Kühn is different, it was made to be different in literally every way possible. The shape and color of the bottle, the label, the name, the scent, the ingredients, the way it feels on your beard and skin, everything about it screams originality. Can you believe that? A company completely unique in an industry full of cliches and sub par products.  

About freakin' time!

How can I be so bold? Because I have Google, I have eyes, I have a nose, and I have a brain. They're truly all the same.

I know some of you quit reading after I said your favorite beard company sucks. I'm cool with that. Look, kühn means "brave, bold, audacious, courageous, fearless". Would I have named it that if I was going to worry about offending you? The fact is most beard products on the market do suck.

There, I said it again. It's the truth. Let's move on. 

If you're bored or dissatisfied with everything you've used up til now, if you don't get excited to start your day with the most recently acquired oil or balm sitting in your bathroom or sitting on your dresser, then it's time to take action. It's time to sack up and take a chance on this company you keep hearing about. 

Kühn is different. Kühn is better. Kühn is dope as hell. 

Find out why and go buy something.

In fact, if you've read all the way to the end of this, here's a reward for doing so. Right now on, get 3 FREE SOAPS with the purchase of any beard oil, balm, or butter. Just choose your balm/oil/butter. Then choose your 3 soap scents, discount will apply automatically. Free shipping.

If you really want a treat, go see what has the community buzzing. Check these out.


I'm done offending people for the day.

Til next time my peeps.

- Grimm


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